Your my hero
thats the message id want to get across to her. How she taught me the advantages and pitfalls of romance. How she's a part of my life i cherish.
I dont want to cause her family any trouble, to be a threat to her family.
I still wish, have always wished her to be happy ... How can i ever tell?
i dont like to think her children control her, she tells me they dont so ill let that be. ... Tho i'm no fan of people trying to control others.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
rut
Where to begin?
Im in a rut
i want to reach out but im held back
to make new friends i distance myself to old ones,
While they seem to have no problem in doing this
i dont want to let them go, as though i value them
and they dont value me.
I see this in strangers as well how easy it is to cut in front of me, crowd me out of the doorway, take more space on a bench
as tho im not there
i dont matter
in my youth as a boy scout it was taught that we should leave a place as we found it, or better.
in my later years i find that this means there will be no evidence of my being here at all
... The day after my death will be ... like any other
Im in a rut
i want to reach out but im held back
to make new friends i distance myself to old ones,
While they seem to have no problem in doing this
i dont want to let them go, as though i value them
and they dont value me.
I see this in strangers as well how easy it is to cut in front of me, crowd me out of the doorway, take more space on a bench
as tho im not there
i dont matter
in my youth as a boy scout it was taught that we should leave a place as we found it, or better.
in my later years i find that this means there will be no evidence of my being here at all
... The day after my death will be ... like any other
CreepyMe
CreepyMe
Kids to me are amazing. In high school i was taught that batteries were a form of potential energy, it could do or be anything from lightning to art. I see children as that potential greatness. And from my own experience i know that they arent even aware it. Sure they know that someday they'll have to get a job and maybe start a family. But thats the narrow view of a child, old fo-lks know theres more then that, they have the p'otential to rock the world.
So when i see a child i smile, and think 'you dont know how fantastic you are right now, .... but i do, ive been there'
And it makes me feel hurt that so many around me dont, they avert thier eyes or worse, not react when a child meets thiers. But i do, and that must make me look very odd, ... Peculiar, .... Creepy.
Kids to me are amazing. In high school i was taught that batteries were a form of potential energy, it could do or be anything from lightning to art. I see children as that potential greatness. And from my own experience i know that they arent even aware it. Sure they know that someday they'll have to get a job and maybe start a family. But thats the narrow view of a child, old fo-lks know theres more then that, they have the p'otential to rock the world.
So when i see a child i smile, and think 'you dont know how fantastic you are right now, .... but i do, ive been there'
And it makes me feel hurt that so many around me dont, they avert thier eyes or worse, not react when a child meets thiers. But i do, and that must make me look very odd, ... Peculiar, .... Creepy.
update
update
been awhile hasnt it? If you were a friend youd have given up on me as well. But as a tombstone/suicide note your perfect. Life has been full of ups and downs lately. Work is improving but still frustrating. We had a blast with the older kids for spring break. Health wise I find i'm tired more often, there hasnt been any sign of blood now for weeks and i need to continue persuing my teeth. Hmmm still miss many tho, and now that wramc is behind me, i have more to miss. Yes, up and down ....
been awhile hasnt it? If you were a friend youd have given up on me as well. But as a tombstone/suicide note your perfect. Life has been full of ups and downs lately. Work is improving but still frustrating. We had a blast with the older kids for spring break. Health wise I find i'm tired more often, there hasnt been any sign of blood now for weeks and i need to continue persuing my teeth. Hmmm still miss many tho, and now that wramc is behind me, i have more to miss. Yes, up and down ....
Music
Music
ive been toying with the idea of making up up playlist for my funeral. Morbid i know, but i dont want to burden people with the task. I figure if i can get into this small portion of it i can have my entire ceremony worked out by the time i snuff it !
I'm also considering taking advantage of gmails delayed send option. Mayhaps i could write letters to people spilling my guts finaly nad have them receive it after my death .... Mail from a dead guy , even more .. Morbid.
ive been toying with the idea of making up up playlist for my funeral. Morbid i know, but i dont want to burden people with the task. I figure if i can get into this small portion of it i can have my entire ceremony worked out by the time i snuff it !
I'm also considering taking advantage of gmails delayed send option. Mayhaps i could write letters to people spilling my guts finaly nad have them receive it after my death .... Mail from a dead guy , even more .. Morbid.
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